BEHOLD THE HUG OF THE CENTURY
Another commission! this time it’s Dark and his little brother Kid from my comic Kagerou. They are actually twins, but Kid spent a couple of years asleep in a little box while Dark aged normally and went insane.
Here is a sappy reunion scene that hasn’t happened in the comic (yet?)
How do you write steve? Your characterization is great, so what are the main things you focus on when trying to get him right?
thank you anon ;; okay so first off
Steve is fucking unhappy and the last thing he wants is for you to know that.
He is deeply unhappy tho. For so many reasons. Before the serum, he was mostly unhappy with himself and his disabilities and how they were perceived by others. While it’s clear on his face he doesn’t like being underestimated, what he is on the inside is furious and frustrated and so very done. He keeps a cool exterior but inside he’s burning with anger and desperation. He doesn’t want anyone to know the depths of his longing and selfishness and fury.
He’s like—he’s built a fucking box for himself out of the actions he’s allowed to take and the way he’s allowed to speak and the emotions he’s allowed to show and he locks himself tightly in that fucking box because its the only protection he’s been able to construct in 24 years of dealing with bullshit and being reminded how goddamn vulnerable he is. And he’s terrified of stepping out of the box because he is fucking sick to death of being vulnerable. These are the few things he can hide away and keep safe, especially when it comes to his feelings about other people oh my god he locks those away. Those stay in the box. All the negative, hateful things he’s capable of thinking, they stay in the box. His feelings of helplessness, his complaints about his situation, his selfish desires fucking stay in the box. The outside of the box is all there is. He doesn’t want to be taken at face-value but at the same time no he really does tho please don’t dig further and realize what a fucked up mess he is.
The box is not inviting. The box is stand-offish and plain. Steve is stand-offish and plain. He’s not good with people. He sucks at people. He is not a people person. He has four modes of communication; attempted politeness, snark to be friendly, snark to antagonize, and snark to be a bossy little shithead. That’s it. And his ‘snark to be friendly’ ain’t all that friendly. Its how he communicates with Bucky; goodnatured jabs are still jabs. And him being polite isn’t all that nice either. Polite is not how Steve thinks, its how he acts to strangers because oh look, more rules he can hold himself to. And if they don’t take his polite then that’s their problem, not his. He fucking tried. And pre-serum? He is very fucking used to people throwing his polite back in his face. He won’t stop doing it because he thinks that makes him the better person, he wants to Be the better person, but he still expects the worst out of certain people.
Oh yeah okay that’s another thing; Steve is not a good person. He has to try at being a good person and hates that he has to try because that means he’s deficient in yet one more way, but with this he tries his ass off. So much of Steve is trying to make up for what he lacks, and he’s so ‘good’ because he lacks a lot.
Post-serum, his box becomes a lot more attractive and he learns how to hide all the new ways he’s broken inside with smiles and posturing. It comes a little easier because he’s more confident that people will accept the smiles and posturing. He learns how to play to people a little better—give them what they expect to see, play the part. He’s not good at it, but he’s better than he was and most people don’t look hard enough to see the stress-lines.
His depression is out of fucking control at this point and he only finds energy in anger and adrenaline so guess what he gives himself over to. He throws himself into his work and is miserable because he can’t turn his head off, so he makes himself frustrated asking questions and at the same time not asking enough questions because all he has is this job and without it he has no direction and no outlet so he wants to rock the boat so fucking badly and wont for selfish reasons and he hates how selfish he is. He’s so very lost and so very determined that no one know, no one see him when he’s at his most vulnerable which is right now he is so fucking fragile he is holding on by a thread that he refuses to let snap because he is so fucking stubborn and now more than ever no one can know.
Okay because Steve’s box? Is no longer his box. His box got 68 years worth of renovating that he had no goddamn control over and now his box means things to people and his box is more important than ever, more important than he ever deserved to be, has any right to be, and if that box goes down, he can’t even imagine the consequences. They were terrifying enough before, right? Being seen for the weak, needy, selfish person that he is was scary enough before, but at least when he was Skinny!Steve, all those thoughts and fears and reactions were somewhat expected of him. No one would be surprised learning he liked cock or was desperate for attention or could become frustrated to the point of tears. They expected him to be that fragile. He built the box to try and prove them wrong.
No one expects Captain America to be any of those things. No one is waiting for him to show his true colors and no one wants him to break down. He’s closer to that than ever and he cannot. He. Cannot. He cannot because he doesn’t know how he could ever recover.
Or reading them, either.
Disclaimer: This is not my own idea; I got the tip from the lovely Elentari-liv, who was kind enough to share her technique with me. This is only showing the basics I’ve used to knit the scales, not how to make any certain piece.
Also, keep in mind that I’m still a beginner at knitting. I’ve been doing it for approximately two weeks.
What you’ll need:
- circular knitting needles
- small scales
You’ll probably want to choose a yarn close to your scale colour, or one that complements it (I used a contrasting one here to make things easier to show). You may have to experiment a bit with the yarn gauge and size of the needles. I ended up using gauge three yarn and size six needles after some testing. Larger needles widened the gap between scales, so that the yarn was visible in between, which I didn’t want, and thicker yarn made the scales stick out too much as opposed to hanging. It looked like I was knitting a very ruffled dragon.
Scales can be purchased from The Ring Lord, with multiple choices of colour and material. I’ve experimented with both aluminum and steel; the steel seems to hang better because of its weight, but it all depends on what you need for your project!
(I’m putting the actual process under a read more because I do have a lot of photos.)
I’m gonna go ahead and put this under the resources tag for reenactors, cosplayers, Rennies and SCA-ers!
So why wouldn’t this be the best picture of the week?
Because it’s the best picture of the year.
The Turkish company Pugedon has created a vending machine that’s dispensing help for both the environment and our furry friends.
apparently e.l. james called former child star mara wilson (matilda) a “sad fuck” for critiquing the 50shades books a while ago and now there’s a feud. i love it.
this gives me hope.
mara wilson is also the faceless old woman who lives in your home, so you know she’s got your best interests at heart
my name is Jenni, I am 20 years old and living in Berlin
on the 22nd of june I had to flee my apartment because my roommate’s abusive boyfriend attacked both of us. I reported him but he and my roommate denied everything and she still lets her boyfriend live with her.
I am currently living with friends and already have a new flat I can move into on the 1st of august but I am completely out of money. I don’t get money until the 26th of september, until then I have close to nothing.
not only do I have to pay rent and buy food, I also have a cat, Leo.
I just hope some of you might donate a little sum or just reblog this to signal boost. my paypal is firstname.lastname@example.org
thank you so much